I have a specific set of ethical and moral values. Very simple really. Be honest to those deserving, show benevolence at all times , help where help is needed. These are the very laws that govern my soul. So do not expect me to compromise. Ever

You,

People leave. That’s a raw fact of life. I personally never believed that. But I guess if you surround yourself with those who continue to stay by your side, you gradually forget that there is a possibility anyone could leave. They all have reasons for leaving, some are simple, others much more complex. However, a reason for leaving is also a decision made. They’ve mentally broken down what life would be without you there and have come to the conclusion that it’s better off that way. It’s a horrible truth really.

I don’t know what your particular reason is. All that I know is that you’re gone. I needed you, and you were no where to be found. But you had your reasons. Maybe one day I’ll hear why you weren’t there. But for now, all I know is that you made your choice. I don’t blame you. You need to do whatever it is you need to do. I’ve always told you to put yourself first, and this is you doing it. I can never hold that against you.

Everything I’ve done for you, I did for no other reason but for your well-being. I told you I’d see you through to the day you find yourself above everything that has kept you down. So maybe you’re there already, or maybe I’m what’s been keeping you down. Either way, you realized whatever you needed to realize.

We went through hell and back together and I don’t regret one thing. I promised you that I would never leave. I don’t intend on breaking that promise. I’m proud of you. Keep smiling, dimples and all. Take care.

Always a step behind,

jn.

If an opportunity for you to leave your hometown were presented. Would you take it? Sure you would. It’s an experience we all want to live sometime in our lives. But would you accept it for what it is? Leaving the home that kept you safe and warm from the relentless world. Leaving all those who you grew to love, the people who’ve kept you anchored throughout the emotional storms that life challenged you with. Sure you’ll still be in touch. But to what extent? through a simple instant message? or even a phone call if your lucky? Needless to say the choices presented are less than adequate. You owe your home more than that.

You’re exposed to this kind of decision all the time. Movies, tv shows, and yes, real stories by people. But personally, I never thought the opportunity would ever present itself to me. If you asked me if I like living here, I’d say that was an understatement. Yeah it’s boring, but if you’ve lived in the same city for over 20 years and done all that there is to do, of course it’s going to get boring. Yeah our weather is retarded, sun to snow within mere seconds. Maybe it’s the cities’ sick way of keeping things exciting in order to compensate for being so lame. That being said, I love my city. I love all of those in this city that never left my life. The physical aspect of everything only goes so far for me. The idea of a “new life” is pretty exciting, however I don’t ever recall needing one.

So would I do it? No. But some decisions aren’t mine to make unfortunately.

    Never would I have ever thought that in my spectrum of emotional responses to various situations, would I bare a response like this. For the first time in a long time I feel, lost, distraught, broken, completely pathetic. The more I think about it, the more I feel the need to occupy myself by any means necessary to stop thinking about how much I really do depend on you simply being there. I’ve already accepted most aspects of our relationship. But I’m not ready to accept the reality of you not being there, even if the situation proves only temporary. I’ll be honest, I’ve grown attached. Attached to always waking up to “Good Morning!”. Attached to simply having you to help me survive my day. Like I said, I’ve already accepted what our relationship is and what it needs to be. I don’t need anything more from you. I just need us, and only you know what it means to just be “us”.

jn.

As soon as you think you finally got a grip on things.

Stop and ask yourself “What am I holding on to?”

Definitely wouldn’t mind sleeping through this day, or the next few days for that matter.